memories

I’ve found my voice to write again

This is how I feel..

 

Hear and watch Jamie Lucas Scott sing this.. its adorable

Here’s the full version.. I’m into the ending, cuz I’m not anyone’s son.. :)

A Challenge to My Balance

I’ve always felt that I’ve lived my life in a serious yet strange void.  Like driving on the interstate, in a section where only you reside.. the cars in front of you are a good distance, but together, and the cars behind you are in the same type group, together, yet a good distance behind you..  driving in your own void.

I’ve lived my entire life being some type of challenge, good or bad.  I was never one to “go with the flow.”  I just, usually, created my own  flow.  I didn’t fit in, so I made my own rules and my own games and my own non-reality for sanity. It has made me a difficult friend.  Or rather, I couldn’t find a friend that would be as equally devoted as I was willing to be.  It was how I learned that most people are selfish and think of their own #1 first.  I don’t.  I am okay with that most of the time.

I’ve always done the best that I could do, in the places that I could, and in the places that I couldn’t, I usually cried.  Seriously.  Cried.  I don’t find crying a bad thing, but I don’t find it easy to really cry, anymore, either.  Its easier to stay on the top of an emotion than to get buried into one, and have to climb out of it.  I guess that makes me too lazy to get too emotionally invested in myself.

This project to write my life story is a  huge challenge.  I’m not sure if I’m capable of writing it, but I’m going to just dig in one post at a time and see what comes out of my fingers. :) ~Heidi